Inspired by weakness

 

 

A month ago, I embarked on what may have been the longest day of my life, two back to back marathons through Australia’s Simpson Desert as part of the inaugural edition of the Big Red Run. And that was after already completing three and a half marathons over the previous 4 days. But on that dark and cold Friday morning, unlike the Monday I turned  up on that first start line, there was no doubt in my mind that I would complete the day’s run. The fear was still there, no doubt, but so was the determination to finish no matter what.

A lot had happened since we ran out of Birdsville into the vast Australian outback: I had gone from utter despair to exhilaration and all the emotions in between, experiencing pain, exhaustion and bliss. I had met people who achieved incredible feats of endurance, like Pat Farmer who ran from the North Pole to the South Pole, and the Born To Run team who had just completed races through every major desert on the planet, including Antarctica.

Was I inspired by these individuals? Yes, but in a rather abstract way. I admired their accomplishments and looked up to them, but could not really relate to them on a personal level. They seemed out of my league, I did not believe I could ever come close to filling their shoes. Even my mentor Lisa Tamati, New Zealand's best known ultra runner, seemed head and shoulders above me, given all she had done. Their strength did not inspire me to go out and give it my all, because at the time I did not believe I could ever match it.

The determination I felt at the start of that long stage came from two encounters, neither of which were with people showing anything like Pat Farmer’s or the Born To Run team’s strength. The first was during that initial marathon with Mark Moala, a first time competitor who was clearly struggling. I doubted he could complete the full race, but he did inspire me to sign up for the 250K event, although I had only come to do 100K. Every single night Mark was the last one to arrive at camp, he spent more time on his feet than any of us, but he made it (and was cheered wildly for it).

The second encounter was with Lisa Tamati. She had made the decision to pull out of the race after the third day; I knew that this was a strategic decision for her, given an upcoming world record attempt for the highest marathon ever recorded, but it took a lot of the wind out of my sails. If this seemingly indestructible woman, with everything she has done, was not able to finish, whatever the reason, what chance did I have? Yet in the end, Lisa inspired me most when she was at her weakest. With her DNF, the realisation dawned on me that the heroes we all look up to are only human, with the same doubts, the same fears and the same struggles as the rest of us. At that moment I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was going to finish the race, even if I had to crawl across the finish line. What is more, I was going to do it for Lisa. And I did.

Strength alone does not inspire me. Neither does weakness, if one does nothing about it. But Mark and Lisa both rose above their limitations, Mark by crossing the finish line against all odds, Lisa by acknowledging her failure in her closing speech and by going all out on an even more ambitious project. Too many of us wallow in our failures and give in to our fears. Courage is not the absence of fear, not is pretending that the fear is not there. It is all about saying: “Let’s do this”, despite the fear. Witnessing weakness in others helped me rise above my own, my courage enhanced by their determination to bounce back.

To get back up after being knocked down, to keep going despite every cell in your body screaming to stop, requires not only personal courage, but also teamwork. Although we are alone on the trail most of the time, ultra running is a team sport. The determination to push through does not just happen in one’s mind but stems from the realisation that we are all in the same boat, that we rise or fall together. In that sense, ultra running is a great metaphor for life. I admire those who win races, but my real inspiration comes from the ones who come last, or from those who drop out but still sign up for the next big thing, and come out all the stronger for it.