A year ago today, I crossed the finish line of the Big Red
Run, a gruelling 250-km race across the Simpson Desert. Needless to say, the
moment was an absolute high, just being there in the company of a bunch of
amazing individuals, and for a moment feeling I could achieve anything I
wanted. The feeling lasted for a couple of months, longer than I would have
thought. Although people warned me of the inevitable low that would follow, the
weeks after Big Red were spent making big plans: running Northburn 100, considered
by many to be the southern hemisphere's toughest foot race, and even a crazy
idea to run the whole length of Papua New Guinea's Highlands Highway.
So after 12 months, what has happened? Not much… I ran
another marathon (Auckland) and a couple of halves, but withdrew from
Northburn. As surely as night follows day, the desert high was followed by a
bout of winter blues. By the time the Auckland marathon came along in late
October, my running mojo was all but gone. At first I guess it was a combination
of having gone through a life changing experience and having exhausted the body
completely, which caused an unhealthy discrepancy between my physical and
mental state. Add to that the fact that there was no way people back home could
understand what I had gone through (and were sick of hearing me talking about
it), as well as a range of family issues, and I was ready to fall back into
depression.
The Auckland marathon wasn’t the catharsis I had hoped for.
An injury during the race (broken toe) kept me out for several months
afterwards, to the extent that I had to drop out of Northburn, knowing full well
that I wouldn’t be able to put in the necessary training. But to be honest, the
injury was just an excuse. Physically, I could have turned up at the start line
(although whether I made the finish is another matter), but mentally my mind
was no longer in it. My training plummeted and my weight ballooned.
The Xterra winter trail run series, which began in late May,
gave me the push I needed to get back into it, together with the start of a
lunchtime running group at work. I am slowly ramping up the mileage again,
although I am still nowhere near my physical shape of a year ago. And my
calendar is filling up: a trail event every 3 weeks until September, then my
second ultra: 60 km through the Karangahake Gorge in October. I am also
registered for Tarawera in early February 2015 (85 km) and Northburn in late
March (100 km). This time there is no way I am missing it!
Big Red was a once in a lifetime experience. Even if I go
back (which I hope to do next year), it won’t be the same, and I shouldn’t
expect it to be. But there is something addictive to ultrarunning. Like a drug,
it causes incredible highs as well as rock bottom lows. I know that I will go
through the cycle again, but hope I have learned enough along the way to cope. The
highs are what keeps me going. Time to plan for Papua New Guinea!
